SOUNDTRACK OF MY LIFE
"It hurts when I pee!"
"My legs hurt...right here" *points to shins*
"My pee is really dark, and I start to pass out when I eat candybars!"
Seriously? Go get checked out for Diabetes/ Hypoglycemia.
"I'm really dizzy, and I can't walk straight--I went swimming yesterday."
Go to the clinic, check out your inner ear.
"I think I sprained my ankle! What do I do!?"
Ice, Elevation, take two asprin and get thee to a clinic!
" *burn* OW! Wait! I can't remember...Do you put hot water or cold water on a burn?"
Oh, well first we have to find your brain....
" Hey Kage!--what's that muscle right here?"
That's your Latissimus dorsi.
" What's the prefix for anything to do with lungs?"
EDUCATIONAL PSYCH CLASS-
" Can anyone tell me where the Thalmus is located? The Hippocampus? The Occipital Lobe?"
*I raise my hand*
"Anyone other than Kjirsten?"
FHE BROTHER: Yo! Kj--help a brutha out...I'm trying to pass my EMT course--I gotta pretend like i've been called to your house...What are your symptoms?
ME: Um...you have to assess if the scene is safe first dude.
BRO: Oh yeah! Is the scene safe?
ME: Yes. Um...my symptoms are I'm feverish, i'm out of it confused, I'm lying on the floor, i'm breathing fast, and my breath smells fruity, my hands feel numb.
BRO: Do you have any allergies?
BRO: Good 'cause I can't give you an epi-pen! Do you have any broken bones?
ME: NO!-i'm in and out of consciousness.
BRO: Uh, do you have a pulse.
ME: YES-i'm alive! How bout you ask me if I have diabetes!
BRO: Right, um...are you wearing the bracelet?
ME: Nope....but so what!?
BRO: Have you eaten today?
ME: A long time ago.
BRO: Ok...I'm gonna get you some food.
ME: Yeah, I'm unconscious now.
SO--over the last couple years I've become the go-to gal when it comes to anything remotely medical. Ingrown toenail, strange rashes, dizziness, asthma attacks, flu symptoms, stomach issues, menstration, allergies, sore muscles, fingernail sensitivity ( ok..that last one hasn't happend yet..)
But It has now started to leak out onto facebook--
"Hey!! Are you up late tonight?? Can I come pick your brain about some medical things? ...I'll be home around 11:30-ish, and wanted to stop by. If there is a better time tomorrow, let me know!! Thanks KJ--You're the best!!"
Any encounter usually ends up with "So what's your major again?"
"Art" I say, matter-o-factly.
"Wow...you should be a doctor!"
----Yeah i'm so not an expert here.
I am facinated with the human body, and all that it can do--how it handles infection, stretched muscles, the daily bumps and bruises that we give it.
Again--the relief I "perscribe" is pretty much common knowledge and hey, I haven't killed anyone yet.
But what these silly encounters really do is make me wonder--If I hadn't been so freaked by needles and math, would I have gone into medicine?