Saturday, December 25, 2010

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Some blessings this year

 PART 1: This is just the tip of the iceberg, but one of my many blessings this year has been the ability to travel!

 Southern Utah
 A bit of the Appalachian Trail!

THREE WEDDINGS! I've truly been privileged to capture moments for these wonderful couples.
These kids make me laugh, every blasted day!

Bring on the longest nights of the year, I've got light and love enough to get me through.  Life is so, so good.

Saturday, November 27, 2010


I found this in a journal that I wrote back in 2005

So last night I had a moon bath. I came home around 9 o'clock ---drove up the very dark driveway and up the hill. I parked the car right in front of the dahlias.

I climbed out of my metal contraption; away from the comfortable control-temp air and cushioned seats, and into the magical spotlight. The house was dark, but the moon was bright.
Very, very.

I couldn't even see the milky-way, bright.

I walked as quietly as I could--around the field--surrounded by inky black trees and a navy blue backdrop of a sky. 

The grass, illuminated by the celestial lamp, was soft and swishy. 

My feet took a turn around the tomato plot, past the chickens and up to the goose pen--by the fence, where my ears heard them rustle and stir in the darkness.

My white house was a pale periwinkle with all that light shining down, looking quiet and despondent.

My hands found the pockets of my coat. They nestled down in the cozy cloth for a moment, but the moon was too powerful...they had to be out in the night.

I discarded my coat.
And my shoes.
And my socks.

I climbed up on the back of my car and moon-bathed-- my hair falling around me---drinking the sweet darkness and the moist air.

I lay there, sprawled out for no one to see.

Just me and the moon.

I didn't want to go in. It was 9:45 and I had promises to keep.

I slid off the green metal, my feet landing on soft moss. I collected my clothes, and my keys.
Reluctantly---slowly--I turned toward the house, the moon at my back.

Then, with a final magical surge I danced, one moonlit dance in my driveway. My arms wide open to the sky--my feet strong---my body spinning, I danced--and danced, and...stood.

I stood bathed in moonlight.

Then walked onto the deck with pitter-patter feet...
with the door open, a wave of warm kitchen air and broccoli soup wafted about me.

Different air space than my moon-stage outside. But...I shut the door.

and had a quiet bowl of soup.

I wish it were warm enough for a moon-bath-dance tonight.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Light on the mountain

Wow, Kaje, obsessed with light lately? Yes, I know. November has been weird, and rough on me. A little homesick and a lot of home + sick. I might just be having a hard time with this daylight savings business, but I find that I crave every last shred of light in the evenings.

With this lousy sickness that I can't seem to shake completely, movement just hurts. Actually, staying still hurts too. The house is quiet and the light is just harsh-- bright during the day. It isn't until dusk that I can bear to look out. I crave the sun, but can't endure the glare for long. "Give me photosynthesis!" scream my cells, like so many withering, frigid plants. "Just not for too long!"

So, wait until the gloaming.

It's in these moments, distracted by too much beauty my body is pulled out of the bedridden staleness. Like a junkie, the camera is hastily found, and held tight in my shaky hands. The flu leaves me for a short time. Must.....capture....the....shot!

Maybe light is healing. Light = happiness? Contentment? Health? Maybe when creative juices flow, it temporarily alleviates the weariness.

These pics I snapped in relatively quick succession; about 2-3 minutes between shots.
They aren't the greatest shots. Technically, I should have set up my tri-pod and actually gone outside, instead of staying behind the very dirty library windows...but it was 16 degrees out.  Give a sick lady a break!

May the Light of Love (Thanksgiving Song)

As we come around to take our places at the table
A moment to remember, and reflect upon our wealth
Here's to loving friends and family
Here's to being able to gather here together in good company and health

May we be released from all those feelings that would harm us
May we have the will to give them up and get them gone
For heavy are the satchels full of anger and false promise
May we have the strength to put them down.

And may the light of love be shining deep within your spirit
May the torch of mercy clear the path and show the way
May the horn of plenty sound so everyone can hear it
May the light of love be with you every day

May we wish the best for everyone that we encounter
May we swallow pride and may we do away with fear
For it's only what we do not know that we have grown afraid of
And only what we do not choose to hear

And may the light of love be shining deep within your spirit
May the torch of mercy clear the path and show the way
May the horn of plenty sound so everyone can hear it
May the light of love be with you every day

And as we bless our daily bread and drink our day's libation
May we be reminded of the lost and wayward soul
The hungry and the homeless that we have in every nation
May we fill each empty cup and bowl

May nothing ever come between or threaten to divide us
May we never take for granted of the gifts that we recieve
Being ever mindful of the unseen hands that guide us
And the miracles that cause us to believe

And may the light of love be shining deep within your spirit
May the torch of mercy clear the path and show the way
May the horn of plenty sound so everyone can hear it
May the light of love be with you every day

-David Roth

Monday, November 22, 2010

"Chapter 1: Loomings"

"Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul..."

{Soggy street in Quebec City}

 "Whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet..."

 {Undertaker door, Quebec City}

"...and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off..."
 {Tree lined drive, Alpine, Ut.}

"...THEN, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can."

 {Top of the Welch House, Boothbay Harbor, ME}

"This is my substitute for pistol and ball."

 {Detritus on the rocks, and Soren making me smile}

Whodathunk Herman Melville would ever speak directly to my soul? Twenty-one days and counting...

Monday, November 15, 2010

It's not easy being teen

Yeah that's right kiddo, you better shrink back down.  I never thought I'd be one of those people who would say, "I remember when you were this big!" He's going to pass me up here, pretty soon. And then most likely, I will faint. Who said time could speed up?

 Jefferson has a great laugh. 

Monday, November 08, 2010

Soup weather

 Hawaiian Sea Salt makes magic!

Saturday, November 06, 2010

November Light...

 Yeah, it ain't so bad.

 Gratuitous adorable kid shot! I LOVE THESE KIDS SO MUCH!

I guess I can survive November...

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Il est beau

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Can I be this for Halloween?

Picasso, I love you.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

October is hard

"Hold on. Hold on to yourself. 'Cause this is gonna hurt like Hell."
Mom and I were chatting the other day about hard things. Life. Cancer. Death.  We got into the topic of what would you do if you found out you were terminal? Why this society has a fixation with denial, and fighting, pushing away death--often times to the point of unnecessary suffering for our selfish desires.   You can't know until you're there.   You can't know how you would react until then. Life is precious.        But this I know from hard experience:Cancer always wins. 

 Mom: And it doesn't have to be horrible.....
  it is just so hard....
  I guess I'll figure it out some day. 
me: cancer always wins
  and yet we have to try and fight it-because death is something to fight in this society
 I don't know how I would be if I got a diagnosis of metastatic cancer. 
 Mom: I think I would say, Okay....see ya later!
 me: would you want to try to do everything you could?
  to stall? 
 Mom: and be sick 
 me: and be sick
  and weak
  and bald? 
 Mom: and lose my hair and have mouth sores and diarrhea and be weak.... 
 me: or--not? 
Mom: and still die
 me: RIGHT!
  Dancing for the Ghosts of Dead Mountains, 2000, Brian Kershisnik
Mom: I think I would say....let's go on a trip.
  and then have a great time.
  and sleep
  and eat
  and sing
  and listen to great music
  and be around my family
  and laugh 
  and then diewith everyone there who could take it. 
 Halo Repair, 2006, Brian Kershisnik
   me: I love you mom!
  Mom:I love you baby!
 I think if I had breast cancer and it was operable, I would do it.
  If I had to have radiation I would do it.
  If I had to have chemo....and they said it would be cured I would do it...
  If it was a pretty good chance...... or, if they said it will buy you time...
  I don't think I would. 
 me: We've seen it too many times 
Mom: so we can talk all about it, like we know....
  but really we don't...
  I THINK that is what I would do.
 me: but i like this option better
  even in the hypothetical 
 Mom: Kind of like deciding what you will do for your birth have to go with what works at the time...and hope for the best..
 you can't really "decide" what you are going to do beforehand...until you are in that situation... 
 me: right
  there are factors
  that you don't see or feel until you're there *************************************************************    And it's true--my own ideas and preferences can't minimize anyone's journey with this--past or present.  No matter what, it's still hard.    And I'm still hurting inside for all my moms, aunties, sisters who are gone. 

Friday, October 22, 2010

Flapjack Fridays

 On certain Fridays, when the weather is warm, you might catch a glimpse of this...
and you might smell the grand creations heating up on the griddle. Tonight it was Lime Vanilla, Buttermilk Nutmeg, and Banana Chocolate chip pancakes. 

I rock at flapjacks. But I suck at frying up bacon.  

 I LOVE this 70's chandelier. The little house is so full of magic.

 The gazebo and the horse pasture tonight...
 Another great thing about Flapjack Friday is when friends show up with their guitars and play into the dark.
The nights will get too cold to keep the flapjack enchantment going through the winter. Someday when I'm a bazillionaire I will completely restore the old house. For now, the cracks in the ceiling and the broken glass in the windows makes it a summer residence.