I had prepared myself with meditation sequences, putting together my labor music, breathing exercises, lots and lots of reading---and then giving myself permission for this labor to be our own, and not like anything I had previously witnessed.
And she did! (--even with all the contingency plans --just in case I went into labor while Ivan was in his History final, etc...)
Mom came, and promptly got into awesome project mode. Because, you know, you can't have a baby without a chest freezer!
It seemed like everyone else was very anxious for baby to come, but I was feeling content!
Mom said, "You need to get to that place where you're finally ready. You're done being pregnant and the thoughts and feelings of seeing her and having her here on the outside are bigger than what you're feeling now."
I was feeling big, but not uncomfortable. I was certainly in denial...What? Baby? Pushing her out? Nah...too busy. Gotta plant a garden! Too many projects to do!
But always in the back of my mind, I had the time crunch too... Mom was only going to be here for so long.
April days were filled with good projects, and pretty soon we knew she was going to be a May baby...
After enjoying 75+ degree weather, we got a rude awakening after a surprise frost killed our tomato/ pepper plants... (How could we be so foolish and plant them before Cinco de Mayo?! I dunno. The weather report said nothing!)
Mom kicked Ivan and I out of the house to go for a walk in the afternoon (it felt like a death march to the gulags at times with the icy wind ripping through my clothes, and my legs cramping so I couldn't move) --But a couple of times around the neighborhood got some good contractions going. --That...and nipple stimulation.
For me, in the beginning it was like...surfing. The surge, or waves of pressure had their peaks and valleys and I just had to focus on where I was, and ride it out to the shore...and then paddle and rest and wait for the next one.
I paced back and forth at home, and rocked out to powerful music, and hummed and moaned through some of them. The vocalizing really helped.
I remember going to bed. I remember being worried about my water breaking all over the place.
I remember it being dark and late, and trying to rest between the surges. I think I did.
At some point----we had finally reached the 5-1-1 rule. Contractions 5 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute long for 1 hour.
It was time to call the midwives! "Come on in, we'll check you."
I think it was 1 or 2 A.M. at this point? Er...it's a little hazy now.
I sat in the back seat on a towel (just in case) and moaned and moo'd all the way to the birthing center--which only took about 7 minutes.
Once there, I sat on the couch tried to breathe through a couple of contractions, and then got checked...
ONLY A 2?!?!
Drat. I thought for sure we'd made more headway than that. I was discouraged, but okay.
So we got sent home to rest, and see if we could progress there.
My Dad was flying in to Salt Lake airport and my Aunt was able to go pick him up. Baby had waited for her Grandpa to be here!
When we finally went back to the birthing center I had progressed to a 5 (?)
My Aunt Kara came to be my doula, and talk me through the ever intensifying contractions...
The birthing tub was filled and I stripped down to my bra and got in...
Trying to find the perfect temperature was tricky. Kara and my mom took shifts talking me through the contractions, and reminding me to breathe, and pushing on my knees for relief. I pushed on the back of the tub during the painful back labor.
That was something I wasn't prepared for--- I thought the pain would be more localized to where I was feeling my contractions early on---but this labor was all in my hips and back...Pushing and pressure helped a little bit. Mostly to distract me.
I must have labored there for a long time.
Kara kept reminding me to do low sounds, and slow breaths. She reminded me that baby was moving down, and soon I would meet her! She talked me through a great meditation sequence focusing on colors of the rainbow and imagining all the beautiful things in the world of that particular shade---it was excellent.
In the background I could hear my laboring music---and I was happy with my selections---but I could tell that we had repeated several times--and I had about 2 hours of music on there!
The midwife apprentice Lea would come in and quietly and gently make sure the babies heartbeat was doing well...and Arianna was totally happy and healthy. That was a relief to know.
In the back of my mind, I was worried about where my husband was...and my Dad. I was safe and warm, and working with baby to move and open up, but my husband was in the other room getting some rest. (Which was great--because he was gonna need to really work later!)
At some point I realized I really had to pee...and I knew an empty bladder would help--and I didn't want to pee in the tub.
With help I got up and onto the toilet, and realized I felt like I sort of needed to push.
I had heard and read about other births where the feeling to push was overwhelming. I didn't feel like that...
It was more like--"Eh...I kinda feel like I could...maybe? Okay--Yeah. I think that's the right feeling..."
The more overwhelming feeling was I wanted to get my knees up, and squat. I knew I was nearing transition because I didn't know where I wanted to be.
I felt like a momma cat looking around for the perfect box to give birth...clawing around the house...unsure and wild.
I knew I didn't want to be in the tub. I didn't want to be where I was.
We tried walking to the bed, and I thought it would be nice to labor while laying down-- NOPE! One surge and I knew that was NOT going to work.
I sat up, and felt like I needed to puke.
I did.
And the pressure from that, broke my water! YES! I felt so relieved to know we had reached transition. I knew even though I felt gross that we had reached a great milestone.
The birthing stool was brought out and chuck pads laid out, and it was time to check me again to see how far we'd progressed.
8.....we were at 8 cm.
Ugh.
"So, it was a good thing we checked, because pushing at this point isn't going to get you anywhere. We're kind of at a crossroads. We can wait and see if you progress over some more time, or I can help lift the cervix over the babies head. But it will be painful."
I knew I was nearing exhaustion with my labor---and I was worried how I would handle this extra pain. I didn't feel like I was able to control
more pain, and so I hesitated. But I also knew that this would be the best course of action.
With every surge, and the midwife's hand inside me, and Mom and Kara pushing on my knees and Ivan squeezing my back I focused on a spot on the wall, and blew away every negative feeling and thought. "I WILL DO THIS! WATCH ME! I CAN DO THIS! I AM POWERFUL!" I'm surprised that there wasn't a laser burn on the wall later, I centered so much energy there.
I'm also pretty sure that I pushed all my guts out onto those chuck pads. I felt bad about that...but oh well.
Having the midwife's hand inside me, wasn't painful at all. I was so relieved, but too busy trying to manage the pain in my back to
"Pushing" was hard to get. I wasn't sure where I was supposed to be
pushing and I felt like any second, we'd be crowning! ---but no.
This wasn't getting anywhere, however. I think we tried this for an hour and still, no progress. Ugggggggggh! Baby was doing great, however, and I really did try to rest in between the surges.
Mom did a great job coaching me where to focus my pushing---but I was getting discouraged with all this effort and no baby.
I remember saying, "There is a baby in there right?! Because I can't do this, if there isn't a baby at the end!"
I was starting to feel a little panic because my Aunt Kara could only stay for a little while longer, and though I hadn't seen a clock since we came in, I could just sense that it was starting to get really close...
Another friend who's a doula recently told me, "I'm a firm believer that whoever needs to be at the birth, will be there." This was true for us.
The midwife suggested we try putting my legs up on the shoulders of the midwife and pushing that way...
Finally pushing made sense! All the women in the room, "ooh'd" and "aah'd"---"That was a great push!" "She's almost here!"
"Do you want to see her head?"
Another sudden wave, hit..."No!"
Kara said, "Wow, you're doing great! You should have 9 kids!"
I knew she was saying it in a supportive, 'look at you powerful woman!'- way..but I replied, "Uh...can we table this discussion?"
Pushing,--so much pushing---it felt like holding my breath---- pressure, everyone pushing on me, and me pushing on baby------her head was out! I closed my eyes, and asked, "Please can I keep pushing? Are we almost there?"
Another powerful surge, some gushing, and a groan of relief, and when I opened my eyes---the midwife was handing me a bloody looking alien.
"Ooooooh! You're here!"
Baby had a loud, healthy cry! I had to rest her on my belly, because the umbilical cord was so short. I couldn't see really her face, but her head was pretty smushed from squeezing through the birth canal.
And then...for some reason, they had me stand up from the birthing stool, and go to the bed, and we waited for the cord to stop pulsing.
Baby kept yelling and peed on me!
I knew that only one thing would calm her, after that startling transition from cozy warm womb to loud and light outside...
"Do you need your Dad to sing to you?"
Ivan was next to me on the bed, and started singing the same sweet song he had sung to baby in my belly for 9 months...
"Ariannnnnaaa, ariannnnaaa,---here's a song about you."
Arianna stopped crying, and turned her head to the sound of Dad's voice.
I started tearing up. The midwives all sighed and cooed and said, "Look, she knows her name! She knows her daddy's voice!"
The midwives were kneading on my uterus to help the placenta detach...it wasn't painful! ( I had been preparing myself for that...)
Ivan cut the cord, and finally got to hold her.
and I was helped into the bathroom, to sit on the birthing stool and deliver the placenta.
"Uh--I just pushed a human through there. I don't want to do any more pushing!"
But it was nice and soft and over with soon.
Back to bed, and skin to skin with my baby---finally could look her over, and see her cone head and adorable hands and feet.
I thought, "I just gave birth to my father in law..." and then two seconds later..."Nope! It's my little brother!"
Born at the right time
May 2nd, 9:57 am
Everyone who needed to be there, was. Kara was able to stay until a little after 10, and then had to go to a funeral. It was a full circle kind of 24 hours for her.
My Dad was there.
My Mom was there.
My husband was there.
We did it! We all got her here!
Arianna Jo Flores was 7 lbs. 8 oz, 19.5 inches long
Measuring baby and checking hips, spine, and tongue--then printing her feet for the certificate.
Dad and Ivan made a trip to Cafe Rio and we all chowed down on some food, and then Mom and Dad went home to rest, and Ivan, baby girl and I stayed at the center for a few more hours to recuperate and doze.
Around 5 PM that evening, we decided we'd had enough of the plastic sheets, and I was feeling ready to head back to familiar ground. So we loaded up extra chuck pads, and cleaned up a little, tucked baby into her going home outfit from her Great Grandma Barker---and went home, feeling sore, and elated, and nervous and tired.
Practially swimming in it...
Just for fun--here's a comparison of one month later!
AND NOW! --too many pictures of baby...
