Dear Future Spouse
Lemme help you out. You're off the hook for Valentine's day. No, really!
It's not that I don't like cute baby cherubs flying around in pink diapers with loaded weapons. Babies are
always cute, even when they're ancient gods.
The notion that on THIS day especially we should shower the people we love with love? Sweet! Okay. Fine. I'm all for showing affection 365 days a year. One day to champion love? Sure, I can pencil it into my calendar.
Here's my problem...
Love doesn't look like this:
Yeah, just go...away.
Listen up, tasty F.S. o' mine: I don't want red roses. REALLY. This isn't one of those stupid girl-game twisty things...I'm not saying 'no' when I mean 'yes'. I'm saying
please don't come home with red roses.
Flowers are wonderful. I'll buy myself flowers sometimes. I love flowers! Better yet, I'll grow some in our garden.
You really want to get me flowers? I understand that you may want to make that gesture. They are lovely. AND They'll totally make my eyes sparkle. I'm not going to shoot you down...but trust me...go for living things
"*Gasp!*Bulbs? For me!??!" = I'm putty in your hands
Tip for you: Don't even think of getting anything from KAY jewelers. Not only can I not STAND their commercials, but those lil' rocks are not
this girl's best friend.
I don't even LIKE diamonds. If you're buying me a ring, it better be out of the .25 cent dispensers at the grocery store.
Diamond rings: No, thank you. I don't want to worry about losing it while I'm turning compost, gashing our future children (or other people's children!) with it, or having it catch on things.
A piece of string works for me! Simple. Low profile. It's not that I
don't want to shout from the rooftops that
I'M WITH HIM!!!! WOOHOOOOOO! ---'cuz shoot, I'll make my own bullhorn. Tah-RUST me.
Also, we could do something AMAZING with that money. --Donate to a charity? Heifer International? A trip somewhere lovely? DONE! Pay off debt?! *sigh* You're so hot.
Joules I love to see?
Oh, baby. You shouldn't have!
So...quick pop quiz:
Which one of these will make me scream?!
Okay...both of them.
Sorry, I should have been more specific.
Which one of these will make me scream your name out in ecstasy?
(Psst? You get me a teddy bear, it better REALLY be for our unborn fetus....oh man...just looking at that picture makes me want to gag. )
What's that you say? Your love language is GIFTS? Okay. Got it. Validation on the way.
I'm not saying you HAVE to get these things---but here's a general direction you should head.
"GASP!"
"OMG! You got me something off my amazon wish list?"
"I LOVE that album! How did you know?!"
"You went to the market!?! Mmmm...This looks almost as delicious as you!"
And so, dear F. S... I promise to shower you with praise, words of affirmation, spend quality time with you, caress you, find those special gifts that mean something to you, serve, support, admire, and cheer you on, all-year-long.
On V-day, we can do anything. No pressure. No worries. Because that's what love looks like.
